I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
