My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
