I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
