Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize