Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
