i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
