Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
