You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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