upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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