Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
