The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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