Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
