I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
