I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
