I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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