dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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