Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize