I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
