Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
