You just made me feel so damn special
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
