i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
