When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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