We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
someone owes me an orgasm
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
