C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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