I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
