saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
