i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
