That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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