i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
