You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The power of my boobs compel you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize