Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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