Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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