my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
