We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
