Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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