Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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