i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up under a house in Key West
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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