6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I party with great urgency now.
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