I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
