my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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