He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
