The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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