she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
