i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
