she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
