he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
