Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize