why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
