I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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