there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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