3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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