we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
