I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
