Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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