I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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