its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
