every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
