highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize