He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
