it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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