Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
