If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
