dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
