i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
