just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
