mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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