Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
