I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
