so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
