Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
