first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
