We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
