I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize