Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i barfeds in our rink
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
