I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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