Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
