make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
