I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
