I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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