I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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