I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
