A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize