I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
