i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did I show you my penis last night?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
