we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
