you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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