I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
