i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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