Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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