Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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