The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
